Absence makes the heart grow fonder… Truth or Myth?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder… Truth or Myth? by Dr. Stacey MacKinnon

So you’re considering a long-distance relationship…good for you! Keeping your options open to something new and outside your usual comfort zone is very exciting. You are probably asking yourself though “will this really work?”. The answer is…MAYBE.

The good news first…studies suggest that a marriage that begins as a long-distance relationship is no more or less likely to end than a relationship between two people who live in each other’s backyards. The challenge lies in negotiating all of the additional issues that geographical distance brings into play.

The first step in creating a successful long-distance situation is to ask yourself honestly whether or not you would be ABLE to make a move should the relationship become more serious. We’ll get to the issue of willing in a moment. If you get involved with someone who lives far away, are there any insurmountable obstacles that would mean you absolutely could not leave your present address?Think about joint custody situations with minor children, caring for aging parents, and geographically related careers (e.g., it’s hard to be a boat builder living in Saskatchewan or work on an oil rig in PEI). If any one or all of these obstacles exist in your life, it doesn’t mean that a long-distance relationship isn’t for you, it simply means that your long-distance partner would need to be the one to make the move should you decide you want to live happily ever after together. The question of whether he or she would be willing to do so is up to them.

The second step is another piece of good news… For those of you who are no longer 20, we remember the days when long-distance lovers were constrained to handwritten letters, brief yet expensive phone calls, and perhaps the occasional audio or video tape. Not anymore! You, on the other hand, are living in a technological age that makes staying in regular contact with a long-distance partner as simple as picking up your cell phone, turning on your webcam, or hopping on a jet (when there is a seat sale of course!). Regular contact is essential for the success of a long-distance relationship. Keeping up with each other’s daily lives aids in bonding and learning more about each other while quelling concerns about drifting apart.

The third step is to spend as much time as possible in each other physical company. If a long-distance relationship is going to become more serious then it is vital that the people involved have more than a romantic date night interaction when they see each other. Life is not a weekend at Disneyland so it’s important that couples spend “real life” time together as often as possible, seeing how each other lives, meeting each other’s friends and family, and seeing each other beyond the veil of vacation romance.

The fourth step is to communicate, negotiate, and communicate some more. Keep it real by sharing both the ups and downs of your individual lives and your relationship. Ask questions and raise issues before they become problems, and for heaven’s sake don’t avoid talking about contentious issues just because you don’t get to see each other very often…the more you get on the table now before someone changes their entire life to be with you the better the chances your relationship has for success.

Lastly, remember to have an active, happy life on your own turf while you are romancing your partner long-distance. Becoming a hermit pining for a far away love may sound good in romance novels but does not paint an attractive picture for the long-term stability and growth of a loving partnership. Love being with your partner but love living your solo life as well…it’s a healthy habit to develop before you join households and being the negotiation dance that is a life-long relationship.

Long-distance relationships can succeed. The road to getting there just needs a lot more mapping out along the way. Good luck and let us know how you make it work in your life!

Are you Single and love to Travel? Join for Free @ SinglesWhoTravel.com and start meeting other Singles Who Love to Travel.